Happy Thursday everyone! We haven’t heard from our wanderer, Emily Ross for a while as she transitions from traveling around Asia to returning home, but now she’s back!
And she’s back with a disclosure……a travel blogger, yes? Petrified of flying? Oh yes! Who would have thought a travel blogger afraid of flying, but Emily has found a way to deal with it and it has everything to do with….Akon. Huh? Read on:
I return, after a shameful month’s hiatus. I was sucked into the Bermuda Triangle’s hedonistic whirlpool, but now I emerge, ready to type once again!
Now, Asia is a distant memory, the skyscrapers of Hong Kong have evaporated as though they’d never existed. I ought to write a sappy love letter to Hong Kong…but instead I shall address a different but nonetheless prevalent issue in my travelling microverse.
Yes, travellers, I am afraid of flying.
I haven’t always been: when I was a kid you had to wrestle me off the plane. But only once the kids meals and gift bags were gone did I see the plane for what it truly was – an unnatural, rickety death trap. Every bump my heart is in my mouth, every air pocket brings more stress than you can imagine.
I understand that it’s rather tragically comical for someone who comes from Bermuda to be afraid of flying. There’s no other way out. I will never, ever go on a cruise (I think if I’m unlucky enough to be eternally damned, Hell for me will be an eternal cruise. With cold showers) so sea travel isn’t an option. No, the plane is the only way off the rock.
Asia I pushed for ANY mode of travel other than flying. Bus, boat, train, hitchhike – sounds good! Let’s go! Anything to keep me below 30,000 feet. But of course, when flight was unavoidable, we were flying the budget airline. If you think I freak out on British Airways, you haven’t seen me on Air Asia. Lao Airlines? Cue hyperventilation.
Thankfully, while I still have to fly in order to get to university this autumn, once I’m in the UK there’s no need for me to fly to experience the history and beauty of Europe. I can take the Eurostar, then travel round Europe by train! Oh, wait. The Channel Tunnel’s 250 feet under the ocean. Hmm. Right. Well! I can go by coach! Catch the ferry from Dover to Calais, then free to roam about Europe!
Ack. So long as I don’t coach the whole way. I’ll never forget the 24 hour journey from Bristol to Prague….which could’ve all been so much easier if I’d just paid the extra 20 pounds for a 2 hour Easyjet flight.
So, yes, flying is the most convenient if still highly unnatural mode of transport.
Thankfully, though, the answer to my inflight terror was found in a pair of ill-suited headphones.
My brother gave me an iPod shuffle in 2010 for my 20th birthday. Unfortunately, I lost many of the accessories to this iPod shuffle, including the headphones which allow you to pause, play and skip songs. Normal headphones work with the iPod, but you’re stuck with whatever pops up on shuffle. This unskippable feature and a serious of well timed musical manure became invaluable when tackling my fear of flight.
We’re flying over the Cambodian-Lao border. We encounter bad turbulence. I begin to panic…but then I realise that Akon and Kardinal Offishall’s ‘Body Bounce’ is playing on my iPod.
I am not going to die listening to Akon.
He will not be the last thing I hear.
The universe is not that cruel.
And I relax.
So pepper your playlist with awful, awful music. I can guarantee that it will come in handy.
Categories : Emily Ross Column, Uncategorized